The Great Pretenders!
10 June, 2009 -
Many people pursue acting as a career; others adopt it as a way of life. They present to the outside world an image that portrays “my life is all together”, yet underneath the surface insecurity, fear, lust, materialism and other detrimental thought patterns lurk. These people exist in our communities, churches and even in our homes. Why is it that we feel it necessary to present ourselves as “more perfect” than we are?
As we grow up we interpret our world through the filter of our past experiences. Our family culture significantly shapes our lives. The roles our parents played in the home, values that were demonstrated, even the words spoken to us by significant people in our lives. Our human nature means we form patterns of behavior which are communicated from one generation to another. Think of the values that you were brought up with, how many of these have shaped your thinking and actions today?
Churches too have a “family culture,” messages spoken and unspoken passed down from generation to generation. These messages often dictate the decisions and actions of the whole church family. These same messages often are the cause of conflict between generations.
I wonder if over the years there is a culture that is unspoken, but demands that people in churches be perfect, or nearly perfect - “Having it together.” It is fine for those who are exploring Christianity, or beginning Christians because “they don’t know any better.” As for those who have been Christians for a while – well, they ought to know better! Yet the reality of human nature is, it is much easier to say than it is to do.
So how can the masks come down? Why do we say “Jesus accepts us each as we are”, but then live as if there is a script that we must follow? The “Perfect People” script.
The truth is, unless there is a trust culture, a safe place to be honest, then the masks will stay in place and the great pretending game continues.
How do you shape a culture of authenticity in your church?
John Maxwell states that a leader’s behavior determines the culture. If you desire to instill a particular value in your church culture, then you need to ask if that value is identifiable in you. Are you an authentic leader and how do you live it out?
In creating an authentic culture there is the reality that people who make life changes often struggle to maintain them. Just look at the weight loss industry; people work hard to lose the weight claiming they will never go back to what they were, often they do, and can even gain more. Do we have the patience to walk that road with each other? Or will we turn and say perhaps their life change wasn’t that real after all. If we have to admit it, we have all fallen back into old behavioral patterns at some time or another. It’s painful, but the only way to a changed life is to live one day at a time.
As pastors and leaders we can be blinded, even impressed by the presenting image too. I often use the phrase it is not what you do that is important, it is who you are becoming as you do it, that really matters. In thinking of others, we must also look inward; we often pretend that all is fine, when in reality all is not. Where do you as a pastor or leader go to be real?
How do we know that people are being honest with God and each other? As a church we need to come around another family table, creating brand new impressions upon our hearts, reprogramming our minds.
“Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust him, your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And you may have the power to understand ... how wide, how long, how high and how deep his love is... Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God” (Ephesians 3:14-19)
Church becomes more than an intellectual exercise but an experience where we have the permission to grow, make changes, fail and get back up again. This is not something that we can declare and suddenly it is that way. It takes time, intentionality and direction.
What is the culture like in your church?
Margaret Spicer
Executive Director WCANZ
