Don't Just Talk...Communicate!
4 June, 2010 -
Communicating effectively is not optional for a leader - it is absolutely essential. Not all leaders will be required to speak in front of large groups, but all the leaders are engaging in the fine art of communication all the time, in every encounter, both verbally and non-verbally. We neglect developing communication skills to our peril.
Every connection with someone on our team is an opportunity for influence, vision clarification, reinforcement of values, or simply a chance to encourage, inspire or correct. A leader’s voice emerges in the accumulation of these smaller moments, and we must commit ourselves to discovering and developing that unique voice.
One way I’ve learnt to be intentional about developing my voice is to routinely reflect back on specific meetings or conversations. Taking time to assess my behaviour in these encounters helps me to recognize whether my voice is growing stronger and more consistent day by day. I typically do this by asking myself a series of questions about how I functioned in a situation, and whether I am making progress in developing my voice. Here are some of the questions I’ve found helpful for assessing my voice in everyday communications:
- Did I really own my point of view in that meeting? Did I show up with a strong sense of my instincts and perspective on the issues we explored?
- Once I got into the flow of the conversation, especially if others expressed bold points of view, did I second-guess myself at every turn?
- Did I too readily assent when confronted with someone else’s point of view?
- Was I congruent, or was there a difference between what I really thought and what I said? How much hiding did I do?
- What was my tone when it came to something I felt strongly about? Did my demeanor sync with the passion I felt, or did I try to protect myself by acting as though I didn’t care so much?
- What was my degree of participation in the meeting? Did I monopolize the conversation, remain noticeably silent, or did I get the balance about right?
- Later in the day, did I think of all kinds of things I wished I would have said or communicated differently, or was I satisfied with how I showed up?
It may be helpful to occasionally ask a trusted coworker to reflect on these questions with you. Soliciting feedback from colleagues is like holding up a mirror to see more accurately how you behave and communicate in meetings, and whether the people you work with see patterns in the degree to which your voice truly comes through. Most of us have blind spots about how we come across to others, and the huge challenge is to find ways to see ourselves more clearly and to identify where we are strong and where we need to improve.
Closely connected to developing one’s voice is the need to practice some basic communication skills that are essential for all leaders. While the following discussion may seem like Interpersonal Communications 101, I am continually surprised by how often leaders - including me - need to be reminded of and refreshed on these fundamental practices.
When I reflect on the basic skills required of all leaders as they communicate in smaller settings, I think of four primary tools we cannot do without: attentive listening, perceptive questions, teachable moments, and talking back.
1. Attentive listening. Most of us immediately think about talking when we hear the word communication. But a far more essential tool is the art of active listening. In the presence of a skilled listener, we feel freed up, safe to tell our stories, and enormously valued.
2. Perceptive questions. In addition to listening well, leaders need to ask perceptive questions. Perceptive questions are ones that move beyond the obvious and pull out the best thinking of the person talking, taking the conversation to a deeper level.
3. Teachable Moments. In every encounter a leader has with an individual or group, potential hangs in the air for what I call a teachable moment. These are spontaneous opportunities for a leader to clarify vision or reinforce a fundamental value - to essentially say, This is who we are - and this is who we are not.
4. Talking Back. Talking back effectively does not require a leader to be strident, offensive, controlling, or hostile. Rather, a leader must develop his or her talking back muscles from an inner core of strongly held values and beliefs, and from a willingness to face his or her fears.
Adapted from ‘Gifted to Lead’ by Nancy Beach. Minor adaptations have been made to accomodate both genders.
